Category: Musings

  • October 4, 2023

    When we were growing up, my dad had a section of the basement cordoned off with a brown curtain. My sister and I were not allowed there. Nothing nefarious was taking place – my dad used to have a side-hustle repairing electronics.

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  • September 28, 2023

    It happened again today. Somebody told me that the reason people keep asking me for help is because I keep saying, “Yes”. I was probably complaining about feeling overwhelmed or simply too busy.

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  • September 21, 2023

    On Monday, we did the most “big city” thing that I’ve ever done: rooftop yoga.

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  • September 10, 2023

    I’ve been aware that I’ve been having dreams lately, not like Martin Luther King, but while I’m sleeping, and I don’t like it. I can’t remember most of them, which is frustrating in itself, but I woke up pissed off about something that happened in my dream, and I can’t remember what it was.

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  • September 6, 2023

    We got a membership to the YMCA on Saturday. We went to our first class today. We can’t stop complaining about how sore we are.

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  • September 2, 2023

    I was up until 3 am this morning, taking photos of pens. I wanted to make sure to get some pictures before delivering them. This afternoon, we made our way over to Bill Miles for Men to deliver 18 pens.

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  • September 1, 2023

    We were in Mississauga when I was first introduced to kombucha. My sister asked me to stop at a Whole Foods so she could run in and get one. I got one, too, because I like being like her. It tasted awful.

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  • August 31, 2023

    I’m not ready for the new school year to begin. I went to school today for a few hours but didn’t get enough done. Going in tomorrow is going to be a pain. After work, I went to the workshop, where I managed to finish an order that I’ve been working on.

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  • August 30, 2023

    Having a workshop in a storage facility is an interesting experience. Overhearing conversations is all right, but what I find most fascinating is how everyone seems to avoid acknowledging each other. It’s strange.

    When I get to my workshop, I open the door – it’s like a garage door – and then I step inside and close the door behind me. I hang the lock in the slot on the rails where the bolt fits so that I can’t get accidentally locked in. Once inside, I turn on all the lights. There’s one ceiling light but it’s really only bright enough to help me find the lamps I brought in, of which there are four. That’s still not quite enough lighting.

    After that, I change my clothes. I brought in an old area rug to stand on while I change. I like that the door is closed for this. Once changed, I put some music on. I keep the volume quite low, much lower than I would like.

    While working away today, I couldn’t help but notice how many conversations were taking place outside of my allotted space. There was a constant stream of vehicles coming in and out, too. I did hear one person introduce himself, there was another couple of guys who were inquiring about renting a space, and some guy was on the phone every few minutes. His ringtone is a foghorn.

    When I leave to go to the washroom, I lock the door behind me. Along the way, I pass by a guy who’s been there every time I have. I keep an eye out, looking for an opportunity to say hi. He continued on as if completely alone. Near the washroom, there was a guy – I’ve not seen one woman at this place – who was pulling tools out of his truck. I walked by him, three feet away, and he went about his business as if I wasn’t there. Another guy had to navigate around me as we were walking toward each other in a hallway. He didn’t look up from his phone. While leaving, those two dudes who rented the space, I’m assuming, were unloading their truck. They seemed to actively avoid looking up and in my direction. They even stopped their conversation as I was passing.

    I don’t quite understand it. For my part, I try to keep the noise down while working. Of course, I do make some noise, but I keep my music low and try to avoid making too much of a racket while working away. I don’t want to be “found out,” I think, in that, I don’t want people to become curious about what I’m doing. I simply want to be left well enough alone in my space.

    In the common areas, however, I feel compelled to acknowledge the presence of someone else if I see them. I’m not going to say anything, but I will most certainly nod a hello. I’m curious about what other people are doing, but only because I think people do interesting things.

    It must be that people go to the storage warehouse to be alone. Maybe we’re aware that we can be heard and don’t want to be seen making noises to avoid confirmations of assumptions. It could also be that we’re all just puckered-up assholes, trying not to let our shit out.

  • August 29, 2023

    It finally happened: we went to school today. Yesterday morning, we opted to stay in bed. This morning, we got ourselves up and out. Hannah even woke up early enough to go for a run.

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  • August 27, 2023

    “I have to give this a go,” I keep telling myself. My parents reiterate the same to me when I speak with them. “If I don’t try this, I’ll always wonder what could’ve come of it.” So, I’m doing it. Most of the time, it’s pretty good. Sometimes, I get nervous.

    I’m an anxious person, that I know. It’s hard for me to let things go, whether that’s a mistake I made or a new tool that I want. I fixate on what might be or could’ve been instead of what’s all in front of me. I know, truly, that I have everything I could need and more. If moving all that shit over the workshop hasn’t given me any insight into just how much I have…my optometry benefits renew in September.

    Diving into this project, that of making and selling handcrafted wooden (mostly) goods, as I’ve done this summer, has been really good for me. It’s given me a focus. My mom keeps reminding me that it’s a passion of mine and it also happens to be something I’m good at. Her gentle encouragement is a result of my complete inability to accept a compliment or praise from my parents. Before now, the closest that I’d gotten to woodworking was holding the flashlight for my dad. Occasionally, I’d swing a hammer — the rusty one.

    What’s really been bothering me these last few days is the cost. It’s cost a lot to get this project off the ground. While I do feel like I’m making gains, I’m the one financing all of it. Nothing is selling right now. There is no money coming in.

    Yet. This is a tortoise and hare tale.

    To be fair, my advertising and marketing strategy is piss poor. I’ve been spending more time trying to get myself in a position to make things. I’ve been making things, too, just not enough. There are a few pens that I need to photograph and post pictures of, though. I don’t read all the emails that I get sent about how to grow your small business. Who’s got the time for that?

    It feels like I’m having trouble situating myself. Where, in all of this, do I belong? Squarely in the centre. I’m the bubble in the middle of the mind map, the one that looks like a cloud and has bold letters in it. From this position, you can only see out in front of you, not what’s beside or behind. Everything is drawn out from here and remains connected.

    Right now, it’s hard for me to identify the gains that I’ve made. I’m seeing the forest, not the trees. Wood is crucial to the success of this enterprise.

  • August 26, 2023

    August 26, 2023

    A lot of things seem to be moving right now. I’m moving stuff over to the new workshop and Hannah’s moving stuff into here. We’ve already started talking about when we plan to go to work next week. There’s also the cats, who are getting to know each other and moving around the apartment. We’re trying to keep things in balance, but, as the saying goes, it’s like herding cats.

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