One thing I often catch myself doing that I absolutely hate is checking my phone when I’m holding Emi. The most beautiful person in my world is resting in my arms and I’m reaching for my phone so I can watch stupid, short videos about whatever the algorithm says I’m interested in. Lately, that’s a lot of videos on how to properly rear a child, none of which tell you to put your phone down and actively care for your child.
There is a sense of lost time. Emi does demand a lot of attention, taking time away from other pursuits. Gone are the days of me walking in the front door, hanging up my keys, kissing Hannah hello, and then beavering away in the office for the next five hours. I rarely make it to the toilet as soon as I get home, something I had been accustomed to doing in the past.
Caring for Emi is active. Feeding her requires my attention, changing her does, too. When she’s sleeping, one ear is always listening for her and one eye is on watch. She’s awake and alert more these last couple of days, giving me an opportunity to play with her by making funny faces, singing along to Christmas tunes, or dancing with her. Putting her down isn’t an option until she’s tuckered herself out enough.
Those short, stupid videos do give my tired mind a chance to relax and focus on something menial, a distraction from which is inconsequential, all while drawing my attention away from the most significant addition to my life. It stems from a habit, formed long before she arrived in my life. I’m so used to escaping into the mindlessness of social media that my ability to reckon with more mentally engaging tasks has weakened. Strengthening my mind is my next exercise.
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