I thought I’d feel differently about school and teaching now that I have a child of my own. Maybe that’s a sentiment that grows, instead of one that spontaneously springs forth when a child of your own is born. The building still felt sterile, most of my colleagues remained at a distance, and the students continued on, as they always have, appearing to be increasingly apathetic about learning.
I wanted to see the students differently, with more empathy and a greater desire to foster a love of learning and a sense of wonderment. Instead, I got frustrated when they wouldn’t line up correctly on the blue tiles or figure out where the pencils are and have been kept since September. They continued to talk when I wanted to. They just walk away from every problem, with an air of invincibility, as if untouchable. They are, I suppose, in that they seem to be unreachable for me.
It’s a lot to put on a child who is less than a week only, the pressure to change my perspective, one that has been developing for about 42 years. I do have high expectations for my students and even higher ones for Emi. It’s not about what she achieves, as much as it is about how she does it. Does she care? Does she have empathy? Does she have self-confidence? Does she persevere? Does she feel proud of her achievements?
On one episode of The Grand Tour, the challenge that Clarkson, May, and Hammond have is to deliver fish to inland communities from a seaside town. As they’re navigating their way across horribly muddy and rutted dirt roads, they pass a man sitting under a tree on a shoddy wooden chair. He’s completely unbothered, or appears to be, at least. I have no other context for this, but the image sticks out in my mind as one that exemplifies how there is remarkable success in simplicity.
All’s to say, she can find success in whatever way she chooses to define it. The process, the perspective, approach, and method she uses, are what matter most. This same sentiment is one I’m having trouble communicating to my students, perhaps because I can’t find a way of getting through to them.
So, for now, my plan is to scale back, to simplify, and to reassess. In this way, I do feel differently about school and teaching.
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