Turning my mind away from thinking about school is difficult. The place – the energy of the place – is pervasive. It’s not particular to the school I’m currently at. Indeed, it seems to be at every school I’ve been to. There seems to be no effective way to just leave it behind.
It could very well be that I have the luxury of time to be able to think more about school than I would like to be. There are very few quiet moments during the day, with only slightly more in the evenings. During those moments, it seems natural for the brain to find the path of least resistance – the thing that shines brightest in your life.
My life outside of school is in no way dull. Hardly, in fact. Actually, it’s quite lovely. It mightn’t shine the brightest but it does present itself well. I like my life outside of school a lot. For right now, this brief period of my life, school is a catalyst for change. I have to establish new routines to ensure that I make it work on time, prepared to do my job.
I’m definitely in the camp of “working to live.” I like to keep myself busy, but I don’t like working. There are so many interesting things about this life, why tie yourself down to just one?
The paycheque.
Teaching is now a means to an end. When I first started teaching, I like to believe that I was more idealistic, more impassioned about the preeminence of the profession, thinking I’d make a difference in the world in a meaningful way. The passion has made room for practicality and the difference I want to make is within my own world.
It does feel as though the reach of the profession is being artificially narrowed, largely through the impacts of reduced funding. As with everywhere it seems, we are being asked to do more with less and then rebuked when we come up short of the expectations. Simple things, like the cables necessary to plug a computer into a projector are overlooked. My impatience forces me to find a solution.
This morning I was thinking that I need to set a budget for myself for the school year. I have trouble with the fact that whatever money I spend for my program is ultimately for someone else. The loss, through disrespect, theft, usage, etc., gets to me. I hate seeing the things I’ve contributed to the learning of the students wasted. Unapologetically. Ungratefully.
As with the financial budget, I have to set an emotional budget for myself. I can’t continue to spend time thinking about school as much as I do. Soon, I’ll have a very good reason, but until then, just looking out for myself is reason enough.
Leave a Reply